Processing difficult experiences means making sense of what happened to you.  When a memory is processed, it starts to feel like it’s in the past and you can talk about it without feeling very distressed.

 

It is important to note that it is not possible to process difficult experiences, or learn new ways to process experiences when you are highly stressed. You need to:

• Change the environment so you are safe  

• Increase general wellbeing 

before being able to use these strategies.

 

If you have a negative experience, no matter how small it may be, it is really important to be able to process this so it doesn't get stuck!

 

There are a few really helpful ways to process negative experiences which we would like to recommend. Some young people can try on their own, some can be done with support from the people around them.

 

Talking to a close/ trusted person

Sharing your emotions/ version of events with a trusted person is really important for being able to process negative experiences. 

 

While meltdowns are sometimes an important way to process emotions, a trusted person who has the right approach/ understanding can sometimes prevent this response and allow processing in a less hurtful way. This is explained more in the 'External Support' section. 

 

Physical activity 

Physical activity is known to have a wide range of health benefits, but physical activity is also fantastic for reducing stress. Doing the right activity based on how your body is feeling organises your nervous system, meaning you are more likely to be less stressed and more regulated. This then makes it easier to process negative experiences, in addition to reducing overall feelings of stress/ overwhelm. 

 

Physical activity isn't just sports like football or cycling, but it can be anything that gives the input you need to feel more calm/ relaxed, that also gives physical feedback. This can include:

• Bouncing on a trampoline or trampette 

• Running for a short period of time 

• Stretching 

• Hanging from a bar 

• Swimming 

• Using some weights

• Climbing a tree

• Going on a walk 

See sensory regulation for more information on this. 

 

There are some possible barriers to physical activity it can be important to consider:

• Some autistic people can find team sports difficult because of the unwritten rules of how the sports work, but others can thrive in team games, as they require less complex interaction than other forms of socialising.

• Some activities are difficult to enjoy until you are good at them, and this steep learning curve that comes with a new activity can be hard for an autistic person who sets high expectations for themselves. 

• Autistic people often have co-occurring conditions such as dyspraxia or hypermobility, which can make some physical activities difficult to take part in. This also means your ability to do physical exercise can change day by day, but also throughout the day.

• We may struggle with the competitive aspect of games, as we often strive to be the best. So we may prefer physical activities that can be done individually. 

 

Some young people have said that they particularly enjoy climbing, bouldering, swimming, yoga, running and cycling as ways to keep active without having to be part of a team or be competitive. 

 

Mindfulness done the right way

 

Mindfulness is NOT just meditation/ yoga. Mindfulness is about doing anything that allows you to be ‘present’ in the moment. This makes it easier for thoughts to come and go. Something where you have a state of flow. When you have this and are thoroughly enjoying this/ engaged, it can make it a safer space for thoughts to process. You can have more meaningful chats with others at your most comfortable, but can also process for yourself. Gaming can be mindfulness!

 

"Gaming is a way to break free of your actual reality and let yourself at peace in

another"

"Gaming gives me a chance to just take my feelings out without hurting

anyone and also it's a time to chill out"

"Even when I am struggling in the real world, gaming makes me feel fulfilled"

 

Find the right activity for mindfulness

Above gaming was mentioned as an activity that enables you to be 'present', but there are a variety of activities that can offer the same opportunity! This is an activity that puts you into a 'flow state', where you are focused on something, and you are content while doing it in that moment. Our community members have shared a variety of activities that put them into flow states:

• "Playing with my dog"

• "Trainspotting"

• "Finding out new things about my interests"

• "Building PCs"

• "Vibing to music with friends"

• "Watching YouTube videos"

• "Reading about Sci-fi"

• "Cycling"

• "Watching Doctor Who"

• "Art"

• "Drumming"

• "Programming Roblox games"

Sometimes you can be so stressed that it can be extremely difficult to spend any time with free thought, and you feel you always have to be distracted. Having an activity like this gives opportunities to slow process thoughts, as it feels safer to talk about what happened  and process your own thoughts while you are doing a mindful activity. 

 

Relaxation techniques 

There are a variety of common 'relaxation techniques' that can be used to calm your nervous system, which have varying degrees of effectiveness with autistic people. One key aspect here is that they need to be taught BEFORE someone is highly stressed and practised regularly, or it will not be possible to recall the techniques and use them when you are in survival mode. Some more common techniques are: 

 

Deep breathing

When you are stressed/ anxious, your breathing can become more shallow, which can make you short of breath and increase stress/ anxiety. Taking long, slow, deep breaths in and out. helps to regulate your body by sending a message to your Nervous System that you are safe, in addition to giving you something to focus on, for example if you count while you breathe in for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 4 seconds. Some people can find deep breathing difficult which means it might not help them feel calm, so don’t worry if this doesn’t work for you!  There are lots of examples of this on Youtube if you want to find something to listen to to help you do this. 

 

Body scan

This is where you use both breath focus and progressive muscle relaxation together, to release mental and physical tension you may feel in different parts of your body. 

 

Mindfulness Meditation

This is a technique focused on staying present in the moment without drifting concerns about your past or future. Often, you can do this with a narrator (from a YouTube video or an app such as Headspace or Calm) who guides you through the process. 

 

Yoga 

Yoga is a physical relaxation technique that can be done in groups or on your own (with videos as guidance at home). The physical parts of yoga give organising sensory feedback, while focusing on these can help distract you from racing thoughts.  Yoga is quite physically intensive so does not work for everyone, but some autistic young people find this very helpful. 

 

Reframing your experiences

The way that we think about something matters. I may lose a game and get really angry. In the moment, I feel really angry and upset. In retrospect,I might start to think that losing is good as I have the opportunity to pick up on my mistakes and learn how to improve. Reframing is the process of reflecting on the experience, and learning from it in this way.  

 

The alternative option is to stick to 'cause and effect' and dissociate from emotions. We might blame other people or themselves.  This can be a good coping strategy in the short term during bad experiences and it helps avoid the difficult feelings, but too much of it has negative long term effects. If I lose a game and get angry, I never play the game again, don’t think about it and react negatively whenever anyone mentions it because it’s now in my alarm system.

 

A problem is that the brains of people who have been through negative experiences (and autistic brains!) are often focused on cause and effect and tend not to reflect on their experiences and change their minds (research within the Spectrum Gaming community shows this). This means we sometimes do not fully process situations and information, so can take actions and decisions without sound reasoning and judgement.

 

Reframing can be learnt through practice, but is something that is commonly not taught. Sometimes this is because many adults also aren’t good at reframing, so it is something we can all benefit from learning!

 

Therapies 

Therapies that have been recommended by autistic young people in our community:

 

Counselling:  Counselling is when you meet someone, usually once a week, to talk about how you are feeling. The counsellor will be non-judgemental and won’t give you advice.  Counselling is  focused on day to day life and can be really helpful.  It usually won’t be focused on trauma and past experiences although some counsellors may have extra training in this. 

 

EMDR Therapy: EMDR is a form of trauma therapy.  The therapist will start by helping you feel safe and stable.  This might take a long time.  Then you will gradually think about the things which happened to you, and at the same time the therapist will guide you to move your eyes from side to side or tap your hands.  Some therapists use buzzers.  This helps memories move from the amygdala to the hippocampus and become less distressing.  It sounds really weird but it does work and lots of autistic people have found it helpful. It can be done online which many autistic young people find easier. 

 

Play Therapy: Play therapy is usually for children but can also be used for young people.  Play therapists will have a range of different toys and they will help children to express their feelings through play.  

 

Animal Therapy (e.g. equine therapy): Some people find therapy with animals really helpful and you may be able to find someone who does this type of therapy in stables near you. 

 

Other helpful therapies may include:

Art therapy. Art therapists use art to work through difficult experiences. This can be helpful for people who find it hard to talk about what has happened. 

 

Music therapy: Music therapists use music to help you express your feelings and emotions. Again this can be helpful for those who find talking hard. 

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) ACT focuses on helping you accept your feelings and responses, and then deciding on what you want to do and what has value to you. 

 

Drama therapy - drama therapists will use imaginative techniques and play to help you work through what has happened to you.

 

Important Things to Consider when Looking For a Therapist

 

The most important thing when looking for a therapist is whether you feel comfortable with them and feel that you can be honest with them.  This can be more important than the type of therapy that they do or even any extra training they have done.  

 

Sometimes people get very focused on trying to find someone who has exactly the right experience as well as extra training in autism, but the most important thing with a therapist is whether they ‘get you’ and you feel heard by them.  Extra training might help, but it doesn’t always as it can mean they have preconceived ideas about what might work for you.